Kids today don’t understand me.
So, I’m at an upscale “health boutique” on Boylston where the featured Patriot’s Day health products were primarily wine and cigars. Being similarly health conscious, I browse then spy a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc with my first and middle name on it; Michael David Winery. Intrigued, I scan the label. It’s apparently squeezed in California from sustainably farmed white grapes. No vintage year on the bottle. I gravitate over to the cashier person whose large tattooed breasts I had noticed on my way in. She had rooster spike predominately purple hair with little bells on the spikes. Among her many piercings, studs, rings, and nails were some fairly recent ornaments that appeared to be long sharpened pins that went in and then back out of her upper chest and neck flesh like purposefully, though artfully, forgotten sutures. I only say recent because the long needle stab wounds were still somewhat swollen and even bleeding a little; kinda like uncooked pork shish-kabobs, only in a good way. And while they tastefully augmented the breast tats they were in no way breast augmentation, as that had obviously been an earlier, very successful though unrelated process.
I stood near her pretending to look askance at the wine ‘s label, holding it chest high. She spun toward me with a semi scowl, her bells and nose rings tinkling in unison. We made brief heavy black eye make up contact, and through the ensuing awkward silence (still holding and scanning the bottle) I ask: “What year is this?” She then looked down her nose rings, past her pursed lip rings at me and said: “The wine?” (As I live and breathe)
Doing my best, straight faced, fervent Christopher Lloyd I say: “No, I’m a time traveler, I came from the distant future to find you.” “Please, please don’t break up with your boyfriend or I’ll never be born!”
Not in the least amused, and with a clearly audible wtf she says: “you gonna buy that or what?”
Kids today don’t understand me.
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