Growing up, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my father for 10 and half years. I never knew what real love looked like. I searched for it in others that reminded me of my dad, because all I wanted was for him to love me. Two of my boyfriends abused me and one raped me. I constantly thought I was doing something wrong and turned to drugs. It wasn’t until I did a leadership and personal growth seminar that I truly learned to forgive myself and others and let go of what I thought my father owed to me. I quit smoking and will become a cop, and I forgave my dad for all the times he hit me and threw me into things, and every time he said I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t matter. If you look deep enough, you’ll see that the way people treat you and what they say to you, is how they feel about themselves, and because it’s all they’ve ever known. I learned my dad was physically abused growing up and quite possibly molested as a kid. If I hadn’t looked past my anger and forgave him so I could have my own inner peace, I’d never be able to help him truly love himself. He thinks he doesn’t matter and that’s what he used to tell me. He matters, I matter and you matter. And that’s not to say I don’t relapse and think to myself “wow I’m not good enough, why should I even bother, no one cares”, because I still think that. And what supports me is having an incredible support system and being able to be open and vulnerable with those closest to me. My connection with my parents is stronger than ever and I’ve grown closer to my 2 best friends, they’re like the sisters I wished I had. I learned there are people that care about me, and they’re going through something too. Life is too short, and too hard for us to do this on our own.
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