‘Recipe for Nuclear Pasta: Exactly How It Ends’ by Velleity Tidsoptimist

On an Earth succumbing to drought and famine due to global warming and overpopulation, a cult of Vonnegut-worshippers vanishes. A dry erase board in their meeting place displays the message: “What if, when you wake up tomorrow, you only have the things you remembered to be thankful for today? What if this is all there is?” Investigating Christian leaders, both Catholics and Protestants, including Christian Palestinians, concur both that the Vonneguts were raptured and that those remaining on Earth still have a second chance at the Second Coming if they can avoid the mark of the beast during the tribulation. There is, however, no consensus on what the mark of the beast is or will be, but the Protestants are sure everyone in India already has it. It will not be easy for anyone living to survive for long. Facing wars over water rights and food shortages, two-thirds of all that lives is dying. Scientists struggle to solve the mystery of the missing Vonneguts, and people of other religions prepare for their own end-time beliefs. Mormons migrate to Missouri and Rastafarians relocate to Africa. Some world leaders work to exalt Israel to her promised biblical boundaries and dry up the Euphrates in preparation for Armageddon. But they are all wrong. This is exactly how it ends.

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