‘Breathing through Betrayal’ by Sharon McKenzie

When I walked through the sliding glass door and saw him I thought he was beautiful, but he didn’t notice me, he just gave that one-two glare to whatsherface, and she gave it back. What a waste, I thought. My heart was already broken from putting my mother’s casket in the ground earlier that day so I didn’t have space to feel rejected, although a tinge of something did hit me. Envy maybe? Why her? I knew why, she was easy and trashy and it was stamped all over her. His loss. It was a year later that he approached me and told me he thought we had made a mistake, I wanted to kiss him, to tell him I had always wanted to be with him, but I didn’t trust him. I wasn’t going to throw away what I did have just to be made a fool of. I walked away from him with my head held high, but I thought about his words, often. Here we are over twenty years later. Eddie dead and whatsherface as good as dead. He showed up when I needed someone so badly and he told me everything I wanted to hear, he told me he wanted me to teach him how to make love, he talked about taking me places and sharing experiences with me and I let down every guard – I gave him my heart and my trust willingly, and he crushed both. Maybe that’s what I deserve, only I know the true destruction I’ve caused and the pain…

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